How is this? I want to blame myself so my brother and I will be ok again, but not give up my bounderies.?

WOW! There are obviously some very real feelings there that have not been dealt with. Because I do not know you or your situation, it is hard to completely understand your dilemma. But, I heard you say that you just want to be loved and respected for the person you are. You want to be heard and allowed to deal with feelings you have. With that being said, make sure that what you get upset about in regards to your brother are really worth the after effects of your response to him. Take long, deep breaths. Remember that you are a great mom to your children, and that you are doing the best that you can! Do not allow anyone to doubt yourself! Just be willing to accept any responsibility you may have in any given situation and then move on with your head held high.